Saturday, April 29, 2006

More Breaking News from North Korea

Pyongyang Middle School No.1

Pyongyang, April 27 (KCNA) -- Twenty two years have elapsed since Kim Jong Il gave on-the-spot guidance to Pyongyang Middle School No. 1 on April 28, Juche 73 (1984) in spite of the rain.

Breaking News in Graphic Form (latest figures: 1998)

Friday, April 28, 2006

More Zombie Art; or, Wheel Charts as a Means for Understanding the World

A small part of the large collection of wheelcharts (or wheel charts) which I use as approximations to artworks. The creatively ambitious reader will realise that one can take the inner, information-bearing wheel from one wheelchart and combine it with the upper wheel - the one with windows cut in it - or some cut out or transparent pointer, measuring device or scale - from another. The reader is left to imagine this.

Insofar as Zombies find anything "beautiful" (no such thing of course) these are "beautiful".

And, if you have been: thanks for looking...








Thursday, April 27, 2006

A Pleasing Composition


A typical Zombie still life, showing a pair of glasses hanging on a hook in the kitchen beside more obvious utensils such as a round, woven metal object rather like a sieve, theoretically useful to stop spurts of fat from leaping and spurting from a hot pan.

The glasses enable dirt to be more easily seen on pots and pans, and thus contribute in general to a cleaner kitchen, and a cleaner life. It is not very well known that Zombies in general rather... distrust dirt.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Elle m'avait dit...



...a translated poem from occurences of "elle m'avait dit" - "she had told me"- on the internet.


That evening she had told me something...
...Yes. In short, she had told me...
...a bad leg cramp. She had told me: "Lower your...
...photos with this text." She had told me "I am...

...busy fellating someone". She had told me...
...She had told me..."Danger! Mongolism!"...
...She had told me that this woman was pretty...
...Now that she had told me the truth...
...during a bath. She had told me certain things about...
...artists. Even though she had told me on the telephone,
nothing that she told me has stopped me killing myself...
...Vampire? Not really. What she had told me in fact is that...
...sexual abuse but I didn't feel at ease with what she had told me, she...
...defended the cause. She had told me meltingly...
...in my bed. She had told me that...
...she had fallen ill. She had told me that she...
...she was crazy, she had told me, since our friendship had...
...lost its first tooth. She had told me th
at it was necessary...
...
not to wait. Recently, she had told me...
..."You're Too Ugly." She had told me "You look like a...
...sick-note." She had told me "I don't know...
...too well how to fool myself." She had told me that there remained...
...only me. After the baccalaureat, she had told me "You...
...the catastrophe." She had told me to get rid of...
...the stinkers. I did what she had told me, cleaning the...
*.¸¸.·´¨`°*» Cybershitteresses, while she had told me that we were...
...much encouraged. She had told me too:
..."Marcel and his Orchestra on the web", she had told me "Er, it's an...
...Englishman!" And she had told me "Go, it's...
...easy to the most difficult." She had told me: "The heretics?
...Out of stock!"
she had told me.

Ce soir-là, elle m'avait dit quelque chose...
www.france3.fr/fr3/livre/livre475.html
...Oui. Bref, elle m'avait dit...
www.liberation.com/chapitre/hensher2.html
...y'avait le mollet bien crampé. Elle m'avait dit: "Baisse tes...
www.ntic.qc.ca/~blaf/fr/theses/these_YP/resultats.html
...photos avec ce texte. Elle m'avait dit "Je suis...
members.xoom.com/gikon/barsoir.html
...à la fellation". Elle m'avait dit...
home.earthlink.net/~walkperson/lunebleu_fra.htm
Elle m'avait dit "danger de mongolisme..."
www.ntic.qc.ca/~blaf/fr/theses/these_DB/resultats.html
...elle m'avait dit que cette femme était jolie...
findlife.hispeed.com/10Morel.htm
...maintenant qu'elle m'avait dit la vérité...
ecrits-vains.com/atelier/novembre99/jacques.htm
...pendant le bain ; elle m'avait dit certaines choses sur des...
sites.netscape.net/p7ga/ecriture/chaptre5.htm
...artistes. Même si elle m'avait dit au téléphone...
www.metiers-d-art.qc.ca/Centre-de-doc/stages/choina2.html
...rien de ce qu'elle m'avait dit m'a empêchée de me suicider...
www.tfccs.com/GV/CSPS/HERALD/french/Hfrench_6-99.html -
Vampyr? ...pas vraiment. Ce qu'elle m'avait dit, en fait, c'est...
www.myst.org/ithil/ph/vampyr2.html
...l'abus sexuel mais je me sentais mal avec ce qu'elle m'avait dit, elle...
www.unites.uqam.ca/dsexo/9901/2849-2904w.htm
...défendait la cause, elle m'avait dit en fondant...
www.guinee.net/camp-boiro/victimes/alata/carotBaton.html
...dans ma couche. Elle m'avait dit que...
www.chez.com/carobebe/tatie1.html
...elle est tombée malade. Elle m'avait dit qu'elle...
home.swipnet.se/patriciakaas/carriere.htm
...était folle, car elle m'avait dit que notre amitié a...
www.lescale.net/j400240.html
...perdu sa premi dent. Elle m'avait dit qu'il fallait...
www.mit.edu/athena.mit.edu/21f.336/contes/mkandawire.html
...pas l'attendre. Récemment, elle m'avait dit...
www.humanite.presse.fr/journal/1997/1997-11/1997-11-26-031.html
...T'es Trop Moche. Elle m'avait dit tu ressembles à...
naf.archives.free.fr/km/lm(1993)/3.html
...une feuille de maladie. Elle m'avait dit "je ne sais...
pleine-peau.com/c/on2.html
...pas trop me tromper. Elle m'avait dit qu'il restait...
www.lebulletinregional.com/chroniqu/voyage/saga.html
...que moi. Après le bac, elle m'avait dit : « Toi,...
www.globenet.org/chroniqueur/03/rubriques/entretien.html
...la catastrophe. Elle m'avait dit de virer...
www.campbellsoup.ca/french/share/conversations_sept99.cfm
...les puants. Je fis comme elle m'avait dit, nettoyant de...
gynarchy.virtualave.net/Textes/zone.txt
*.¸¸.·´¨`°*» Cyberchieuses, alors qu'elle m'avait dit qu'on était...
www.cyberchieuses.com/hackers.htm
...beaucoup encouragé. Elle m'avait dit aussi:...
www.lejazz.simplenet.com/04/fr/files/gardner.html
...Marcel et son Orchestre sur http, elle m'avait dit euh...c'est un...
lesmarcels.free.fr/paroles/flute.htm
...anglais! Alors qu'elle m'avait dit "partir, c'est...
members.nbci.com/travestis/histo/ginette1.htm
...facile au plus difficile. Elle m'avait dit : Les hérétiques...
www.tradere.org/biblio/thomas/som9/som90019.htm
...rupture de stock! elle m'avait dit...
www.softart.fr/amphitryon/enfer/eternel.html

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

A list of some Committees, Sub-Committees and Intermissions of the College of 'Pataphysics, Paris.


The Committee of the Unforeseen The Co-Committee of Inferences The Co-Committee of Inventions The Sub-Committee of Imaginary Solutions The Doctrinal Sub-Committee The Sub-Committee of Forms and Graces The Sub-Committee of Chromology The Sub-Committee of Probabilities The Sub-Committee of Usures The Sub-Committee of Revisions The Sub-Committee of Inexact Sciences The Sub-Committee of Places The Sub-Committee of Days and Nights The Sub-Committee of the Great Extraordinary The Sub-Committee of the Promptuary The Sub-Committee of Prices and Budgetary Pronostics The Sub-Committee of Minds The Sub-Committee of Glory and Protuberances The Intermission of Apotheoses The Intermission of the Fine and Ugly Arts The Sub-Committee of Productive Incompetences The Sub-Committee of Epiphanies and Ithyphanies The Sub-Committee of Attempts (in the sense of murder or assassination) The Sub-Committee of Anomphalies The Sub-Committee of Lalology The Sub-Committee of the Cantonade The Sub-Committee of Orpheons, Cliques and Claques The Sub-Committee of Paraphrases The Sub-Committee of Frontograpy The Sub-Committee of Cercopsies and Plagiarisms The Sub-Committee of Hypotheses and Pedestals The Committee of Soups and Minutes The Committee of the Ersatz The Intermission of Approximations The Intermission of the Umwertung The Sub-Committee of Types The Committee of Order and Time The Sub-Committee of the Ordinary and the Small Extraordinary The Sub-Committee of Part-timers, Parallages and Substitutions The Sub-Committee of Biases The Sub-Committee of Disparates The Sub-Committee of Unfinished Work The Sub-Committee of the House of His Magnificence (a crocodile) The Sub-Committee of the Great Exterior The Sub-Committee of Kinds The Sub-Committee of Anhistoric and Historic Monuments The Sub-Committee of Onomonyms The Intermission of Anagrams The Sub-Committee of Interpretations The Intermission of Translations and Treasons The Intermission of Imaginary Commodities The Sub-Committee of Equivalences The Sub-Committee of the Infinitesimal and of Leptologies The Sub-Committee of the Pope Marcel The Sub-Committee of Metastases, Assumptions, Diadoses and Assolements The Sub-Committee of Implications and Muddle-Clutches The Sub-Committee of Victualling and Tidying-Up The Intermission of Resumptions The Intermission of Evacuations The Sub-Committee of Horned Bread The Intermission of Truffles The Sub-Committee of the Spikenardograph The Sub-Committee of Funiculars The Sub-Committee of Rubber Stamps The Sub-Committee of Badger-brushes The Sub-Committee of Escorts and Parapomps The Committee of Ellipses, Eclipses and Anaesthesias The Sub-Committee of the Impredicable and Epithets The Sub-Committee of Inadequations The Sub-Committee of Canons and Parangons The Intermission of the Improvement of Means The Sub-Committee of Paranomies The Sub-Committee of Insinuated Moralities The Sub-Committee of Anachronism and Local Colour The Committee of Lice-entiousness and Harmonies...

(The translator will not be held responsible for mystifications arising from incompetence, real or imagined.)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Zombie Art News from North Korea


Kim Jong Il demonstrates to an enraptured audience the correct way to put a bowl on one's head with a single movement. The bowl, made at the Juche Idea Peoples' Dental Prosthetics Factory Number 2, is semi-transparent, permitting the adoring population to always glimpse the Great Leader.


Pyongyang, April 17 (KCNA) -- Joint performances of the 24th April Spring Friendship Art Festival were given Sunday at the Pyongyang Grand Theatre, the Ponghwa Art Theatre and the Pyongyang Circus Theatre. The performances were appreciated by Kim Yong Nam, Pak Pong Ju, Jon Pyong Ho, Choe Thae Bok, Yang Hyong Sop and others.
In male solo "Song Dedicated to Marshal Kim Il Sung," the fourth movement "We Pledge" of symphony "Leader Is Always with Us" and female solo "Song of Loyalty", a famous masterpiece, and other pieces, the performers gave a good ideological and artistic representation of ardent yearning and humble reverence for the peerlessly great persons.
A joint performance was given at the Ponghwa Art Theatre by artistes of China, Russia, Cuba, Mongolia, Georgia, Germany, Moldova, Ukraine, Italy, Kazakhstan and the International Delpic Cultural Festival Council.
Put on the stage were female solo Korean song "Motherland, Prosper", dance "Chervona Ruta," the fourth movement "Glory to General Kim Jong Il" of symphony suite "Long Journey for Songun Leadership" and other numbers. At the Pyongyang Circus Theatre acrobats from China, Russia, Mongolia, the Czech Republic and Sweden performed "Plastic Etude with Bowls on Head", "Horizontal Swinging" and other pieces, acclaimed by the audience for their difficult technical and stunt movements.
Floral baskets were presented to the performers in congratulation of their successful performances.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ectoplasm forming

Lucky I am to have been able, this morning, using the trusty microscope, to capture the secretion of ectoplasm (trial or demo version) from the very orifice of a Zombie egg.


It will be remembered that various mediums, when in trance-like states, caused ectoplasm - usually some kind of fine silk - to stream forth from various bodily orifices.


Previously thought to be slowed-down urine (cf. female ejaculation etc.) it is now believed that a silk-making gland, genetically similar to that in a silk-worm but able to produce both warp and weft, might have been produced during particularly stressful adherence to the rules of Victorian society as a short-term genetic benefit.

Ectoplasm allegedly streaming from the vagina of an Irish person. I don't think so.


Our American born-again friends will of course have other explanations.


Meanwhile in present day North Korea:

Pyongyang, April 12(KCNA) -- The first-day performances of the 24th April Spring Friendship Art Festival (ASFAF) were given before full houses in several theatres in Pyongyang including Pyongyang Grand Theatre, the People?s Palace of Culture and Ponghwa Art Theatre on Tuesday. Art troupes comprising famous artistes including international and national concours winners of different countries, circus groups and overseas Koreans? art troupes put on stages colorful numbers of high ideological value and artistry spiced with national flavor. Korean artistes in Japan truthfully depicted their strong longings for President Kim Il Sung who formed the General Association of Korean Residents in Japan, a dignified overseas Koreans' organization of the DPRK, and showed deep loving care for the Koreans in Japan in their repertoire including female solo and Pangchang "Warm Is Love Shown by Homeland."
Female singers of a Chinese art troupe put on the stage Yangzhou serial folk song "View of area rich in water" which pleased President Kim Il Sung during his visit to China in October 1991. The audience broke into a loud applause when merited artiste and international concours winner Marina Viktorovna Andreeva, female soloist of the famous artistes group of the Moscow State Academy Philharmonic Orchestra of Russia, and British soloist Suzanna Clarke who is an international concours winner successfully presented songs.
Greek soloist Samartzis Georgios who is a national concours winner, sang Korean song "Our Happiness Blossoms Out under the Leader?s Care" with rich voice, impressing the audience.
Dancers of the REDA Egyptian Folkloric Group vividly represented the emotion of the Egyptian people in their dynamic dances such as "Dance with drums." International concours winners of the Swiss musicians group presented various numbers such as duet for flute and guitar "Today?s performance" to be highly acclaimed by the audience for their high artistry.
Foreign acrobats gave their performances at Pyongyang Circus Theatre. Watching the performances were leading officials of ministries and national institutions, members of the festival organizing committee, officials concerned, artistes and working people in the city and youth and students.
Also among the audience were diplomatic envoys of different countries and embassy officials here, foreign guests and overseas Koreans.
Floral baskets were presented to the performers, congratulating them on their successful performances. Performances go on.

Meanwhile in our sane alternative :

A Google search for "armed ectoplasm" - why not? - yields only that phrase embedded in various sites with people - BIG TIT LATINAS in fact - curiously all living in the very town in the centre of France in which I am writing this, who want to be my friends.


Anyway, you know... if you have been, thanks for looking.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Ghoul-Keeper's Fear of the Penalty, or, a Savage Attack on Something-or-Other In Order to Avoid Novel-Writing, and an Admission, Not Only that...

...I love the French - their Revolutionary Defence of the Status Quo and So On - but also that this Blog will One Day be Valuable.

The French goalkeeper, Roland Barthes, is accompanied, always I suppose, by a wraithlike (half-present on monochrome photos taken with Russian cameras such as the tiny Pomo, the truly panoramic Horizont or the trusty Zenit Sniper resting on its chest-pod) Zombi (French spelling) compagnon (ditto) leaning Harpo-like against a goal-post, who can spot a Fractal 50 metres away and thus slow down time for Barthes.


Not to be confused with the Situationists' derive (as usual no accents, Blogspot still can't seem to do it) nor with Baudelaire's flan, the path of the ideal ball towards what the kicker takes to be the goal but which is only a temporary shelter for the ghoul-keeper's Zombie - they fail to see the wider picture - Manchester United came closest in Busby's time - is like the eccentric trace of culture, not the straight line of method.

The artist, the writer, claims a right to infinite digression. This indirect expression is truth in a new old way. It encourages annotation, marginal notes, participation. Two heads are better than one everywhere except in the goal area. Who looks at the post-coital bulge in the back of the net? - it is the foreplay that counts and in-between, and out-between, digression and screaming.

An infinite path to a goal (a) is Fractal; (b) never gets there and (c) always does, by definition.

There are many ways, the ghoul whispers to Barthes in his curiously old-fashioned shorts, to avoid the penalty. Sleep, obfuscation, indifference and obliquity ('prendre la tangente').

I love the French, so revolutionarily intent on maintaining the status quo. The diagramme is the artwork, dribbling is important on the field of play, in this singularity, this frozen moment, feel free to make marginal notes or shout from the stand ('What the FUCK are you playing at Reff??') but no rocket falls today (one for the Pynchon fans there) we do not need to sing Abide With Me, this cup shall pass, it is not final.

Keep this, one day it will be worth a fortune, when the novel whose writing this is all intended to avoid, is published.

And, if you have been: thanks for looking.

Friday, April 07, 2006

The Committee of Moviemen: Our North Korean Friends Steadfastly and Resolutely Maintain a Sense of Humour


The disgusting Kim Jong Il

Regular reader(s) will know that because of certain fairly evident Zombie connections, this blog interests itself by times in the Democratic Peoples' Republic of Korea, lead by the Patriotically Everlasting and Indefatigably Immortal Superb Leader Kim Il Sung (deceased) and his unfortunately extant son Kim Jong Il.
On has to be rather careful of course, since not only are the "diplomats" of the Peoples' Embassy here in Berlin capable of leaping out and grabbing you off the street, to be packed in bubble wrap and never seen again, but also it is in dubious taste to make fun of a country, or its organisations, where countless people are suffering terribly and where the prisons and torture centres reportedly are some of the worst in the world.
To know that one is living a lie, in a fictitious country (for it has become so) led by liars and constrained to a Zombie life must be a terrible thing. I wonder what the suicide rate is - though suppose that if one tries or succeeds in killing oneself, one's family is punished.
However, with these caveats in mind, I cannot resist presenting to a wider (LOL) audience the latest news from the KCNA, the North Korean news agency. The fact that they mention the date of April 1 in the first dispatch makes me suspicious - can there really be a committee of... well, you'll see. Then in the second, I fear - genuinely - for the safety of the person who transcribes this bullshit into English, but do not think that the North Koreans read my blog.
He or she ends with the phrase "Socialist fairyland". This might just be a slip and they meant "paradise", but it smells wrong. I think that just like the famous broadcast on Radio Moscow some 20 years ago where the commentator started to make fun of the leadership and criticise the Communist Party, what we have here is a vanishingly small, and hence, like a Zombie emotion, powerfully unusual, act of resistance.

Pyongyang, April 6 (KCNA) -- The Measure Committee of Moviemen to Check the Cultural Aggression and Defend Screen Quota and the Culture and Art Joint Measure Committee for Checking the South Korea-U.S. Free Trade Agreement and Securing Cultural Variety in south Korea reportedly co-sponsored a candle-light cultural festival at Maroni Park in university street of Seoul on April 1 to defend screen quota without fail and check the conclusion of the south Korea-U.S. FTA. Speakers at the festival stressed that the struggle to defend screen quota should be a struggle of all the people on this land opposed to the conclusion of FTA. If they wage this struggle in close unity, it would be possible to check the conclusion of FTA and defend screen quota without fail, they said. They declared that the men of culture would take the lead in the struggle. A resolution of struggle was read out at the festival. It called for punishing the U.S...

Pyongyang, April 6 (KCNA) -- An exhibition of the Songhwa Art Studio was opened at the Pyongyang International Cultural Center on April 5 to commemorate the Day of the Sun. On display at the exhibition are 60 pieces of art works including Korean paintings, oil and acrylic paintings and sculptures created by artists of the studio. Among them are Korean painting "Mangyongdae in Balmy Season," oil paintings "Mangyongdae in Spring" and "Mt. Paektu in April" and acrylic painting "Best Wishes of All People". They superbly represent in refined techniques the warm mind of the peoples of the DPRK and other parts of the world to significantly commemorate the Day of the Sun. Korean paintings "Topic News from Forests of Mt. Paektu" and "The Mind Following the Sun," oil painting "Songun Is Always with the Monument to the Immortality" and sculpture "Yearning for the General" impressively portray the thoughts and sentiment of all the people who remain faithful to the Songun revolutionary leadership of Kim Jong Il successfully carrying forward the revolutionary cause of President Kim Il Sung. There are also Korean paintings "We Greet Bumper Harvest in Spring" and "The Village under Apricot Trees" and oil paintings "Falls of Potato in Taehongdan" and "Worthwhile Life in Field", which depict the efforts of the Korean army and people making a greater leap forward towards the peak of a great prosperous powerful socialist nation and the appearance of the DPRK which has been turned to the socialist fairyland.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Zombie Orgasms, or a Speech by Lenin

Lenin / Orgasm



My anorexic physiotherapist with the Chin*se eye chart has started making noises. Neither grunts nor small shrieks of shocked surprise, they are nonetheless reminiscent of the auditory component of a sexual act, not necessarily between consenting human beings. Neither, either, pre-orgasmic nor post-orgasmic (clearly I would better have written "pre- nor post-orgasmic" but one does so want to be picked up by the search engines) I at first believed them to be somehow linked to her particular therapy on my finger, but later noticed that she made them even as she entered into her computer the details of my next, eagerly-awaited appointment here in the very heart of Berlin's red light and physiotherapy district.

I have obtained certain... results from the person who does the before and after studies and felt like imposing them on you.


Before



After




Scan 17



3-D gamma emission study RH


The sound trace at the beginning of this piece is of a real orgasm, or a speech by V.I.Lenin which I have on a vinyl 33 rpm record, and which I often play using a toy VW Microbus with a built in stylus, amplifier and small speaker. A pleasing echo effect can be obtained by using two buses at once, though obviously the states of their batteries have to match or one will catch up with the other.





The reader is left to determine whether the sound trace is really of sex, or rather of the Reji Lenina. I promise you it is one or the other. A kind American friend, many years ago, secreted a portable cassette recorder in her handbag, placed beside the bed in a motel in California and later sent the resulting audio cassette to me for, of course, artistic use. The man she described, inter alia, as being much like a Zombie, in certain non-physical respects. The Lenin records I found in Poznan, Poland. The record-playing buses are Japanese.

P.s. one should buy as many books as possible by the truly excellent American author Gilbert Sorrentino. Trust me.

And if you have been, thanks for looking...

Monday, April 03, 2006

The sweet smell of success


Zombies may exhibit - or rather perfectly hide - an absence of qualia, of feelings, but their eggs are often found in aesthetically "pleasing" places, such as dust under the bed or, as here, in a small grouping of violets on the Art School grass.

Image analysis for object circularity using the formula

circularity = 4pi(area/perimeter^2)


(where a circularity value of 1.0 indicates a perfect circle) indicates the perfectly circular nature of the jelly-like eggs, even though to a casual observer, and from the distorting point of view of the camera, they are not.

Not only was my day enhanced by my noticing the eggs, but also by two pieces of very cheering news:
  • A major, double-blind, controlled study shows that praying for people undergoing heart bypass surgery has no effect whatsoever, other than a negative one upon those who knew they were being prayed for, who showed significantly more harmful side effects compared with the control group (59% against 51%)
  • A study shows that aromatherapy is a load of bunkum, and differs not a whit from placebo.
Zombies and humans everywhere will be laughing and cheering. A nun involved in the praying was quoted as saying this proves nothing, as god is more mysterious than science. Or something.
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