Thursday, November 02, 2006

New European Rules for Liquids, Gels, Body Fluids etc. at Airports

Sac colostomie Air France

According to new legislation coming into effect on Monday the 6th of November, not only must water, alcohol, toothpaste, explosives, poisons and bio-hazard material be kept in containers each of which contains 100 ml or less, and presented in a 1 litre-or-less capacity transparent plastic bag... But also: bodily fluids, including but not limited to blood, bile, urine, faeces, cerebral-spinal fluid, the content of eyeballs (left and right), testicles (ditto, if applicable), gel-filled breast implants, and so on, and so on, must also be presented in this manner (with certain exceptions, see below).
Consequently, blood will be voided and disposed of to nearby medical facilities apart from 100 ml which may if so desired be placed into the passenger's own 100 ml container for transport. The blood is NOT to be reintroduced into the passenger before the plane has come to a complete halt and the seat-belt sign has been switched off at destination.
Certain airlines may provide free colostomy bags and other items for passengers's personal use. These, once used, are NOT transferable.

The contents of potential security-compromisable containers such as eye-sockets etc. must be worn in proximity to the organs from which they were obtained.

Those wishing actually to hijack an aircraft are still invited to obtain business class seats (first class, on certain airlines on long-haul flights) and to ask for wine (sparkling or still) which will continue to be served in glass bottles, which may be smashed on arm-rests, against doors etc., and used as cutting weapons.

1 comment:

BiB said...

I greatly advise against travelling from any UK airport on the day these new measures are introduced, as I had the misfortune to do. Cue massive queues, near riots and an air of panic. Luckily, none of my bodily fluids or organs had to be removed or replaced.

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